Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Me, my life in a nutshell, and why I am doing this.

Hi. My name is Lauren Shepherd, and I am Bipolar, Autistic, and ADHD. I am also a Christian. God has blessed me in insurmountable ways, and continues to do so every day. I was born to a woman who had my same issues, and was given up for adoption because she couldn't handle me. When I was six months old, I was adopted by a Christian husband and wife who had spent years trying to have kids. When they were unsuccessful, they turned to God and to adoption. I spent my life surrounded by family who loves me more than anything, but this did not come without a price. I didn't talk till I was 2, and when I talked I spoke in complete sentences. I taught myself how to read when I was 3, and was bullied because it was "weird." I have an IQ of 147, which was tested when I was in first grade, as well as a photographic memory. However, no one could understand why I was not excelling in school. I never went to class, and when I did I didn't pay any attention. My days were spent sleeping or screaming in class about how the work was stupid. I have failed more math classes in my 23 current years than I can count. I was not diagnosed as Bipolar 1 until the age of thirteen. Before that, it was merely a diagnosis of ADHD, which would have been good except for the medication. ADHD medication, for me, acted like speed. I spent years throwing huge tantrums, slacking off in and straight-up refusing to go to school, I had bulimia, I had mood swings where I was sometimes so happy and sometimes I was so blinded by anger that I have resorted to extreme acts to release the anger.

When I was diagnosed, I spent the next 3 years with a multitude of doctors who couldn't seem to figure out what medications would work to calm me down. When they finally figured out Lithium, Strattera, and Risperdal were the key, it took another 6 months before I finally calmed down. It worked fine until I turned 21, and then the Lithium started causing major health problems. It was also around that time that we started looking into a diagnosis of Asperger's. I had read the DSM-IV when I was five and knew the definition of high functioning autism and could point out to you how it applied and why. My aunt and mother read this, and they agreed. However, when you are 23 and on Medi-Cal, it is sometimes difficult to get a diagnosis of a cold, let alone something that takes testing to diagnose. I am not knocking government insurance, it is a blessing, but it does sometimes take awhile. Anyway, to the point of why I chose to pursue this. First and probably most significant, I do not have the capability of working a normal job. I worked at Walmart for 2 weeks in the 2010 Christmas season, and after 2 weeks I had a mental breakdown. Which ties into the second thing. I know what it is like to live with these disorders. It's hard, and a lot of times it sucks. And if I can help one person, a family member, a spouse, and especially someone like me know that they are not alone in dealing with this, then I have fulfilled God's will for my life. I will be having occasional help from my family, from my doctor, and others who know me and know about these disorders. But mostly, it will be me, telling my story and hopefully offering some comfort in this realm of life that can often be dark and desolate.

May God bless you as you continue to follow my blog, and I hope you get something out of it. Feel free to leave comments, questions, etcetera, and I will try to answer them as well as provide insight into how I deal with things.

Lauren :)

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