The power of music.

As a Christian I know that music can be a powerful medium of praise and worship. But how do you as a parent reconcile when your child begins to get into music that may or may not be entirely wholesome? I mean, how could your child, the child of good parents, listen to all this music that can include everything from Lady Gaga to Eminem to Jason Aldean and everything in between? There's swearing, sex, lewd references, and other concepts that you would NEVER teach your child and WHY would I allow my kid to listen to them!? Let me tell you why from my point of view. For everything I am feeling in a given day from anger to sheer joy, from "I wanna cry for hours" to "I wanna run down the street screaming about how good life is," there is a song for it, and I so love music that I will find it. If I'm in love and feeling frustrated, I will look up a Broadway song called "The Bitch of Living" because it details exactly the frustration I feel. If I want a depressing song to make me cry I will look up Superchick's "Beauty From Pain." On the other hand if I want to laugh and just be silly I will look up "A Miracle Would Happen" from The Last Five Years Broadway musical. If I am boiling angry mad I will look up "Kill You" by Eminem. I know a little from a LOT of artists and could probably sing you most of the lyrics including the unwholesome ones because at some point during my life that particular song got me through either a happy or a hard time. I love rap, pop, hip-hop, Broadway, classical, oldies, and everything else.

I believe people should encourage their children to explore ALL music because it can help them through a hard time when they need it, pick them up when they're down, give the ultimate high when they're happy, and take them to far off worlds that they never would know otherwise. It is also an immensely powerful form of communication. If a song has lyrics that you don't understand, and your child keeps listening to it, look up what the song means and you may be able to understand what they don't have the ability to tell you. Also, designate a time and place and encourage them to sing out the songs, because something about the exertion of energy it takes to sing a song, especially a powerful song, really makes me feel powerful and like I can handle anything even if my singing would raise the dead and make them wish they were dead again! It's all about my perception, and how I feel when I think I can do something. Now, a disclaimer, because I'm all about those. You need to make sure that your child understands what the definition of "unwholesome" is, and that they understand there is a time and place for an unwholesome song. That time and place is not in church, not around people that would be offended by it, and not in any place where YOU deem inappropriate. You are still the parent and still dictate what is right and wrong. Just take the time to explore music with your kids, and hey, you might learn you like something new! My mother now loves the Black Eyed Peas despite the fact that she thinks they look weird, because she loves the beat AND the fact that she thinks half their words make no sense. Your child can teach you a lot, and music is a great place to start.

Disclaimer: my qualifications

I wanted to take some time to tell you the qualifications that I have to be giving advice to you from my or any point of view. Here goes: I have none. The end. No, just kidding. I really have no qualifications. I am not a doctor, not a psychologist, not a psychiatrist. I am a 23 year old Christian woman who has no college degree, can't hold down a normal job, and has a host of medical problems that scare most doctors. So why do I think I can do this? Who the heck am I? I'll tell you who I am. I am a young woman with a passion for helping others and for God. The God who saved me from a life that would have destroyed me(I will post my testimony later). The God who loves me and knows me. HE gives me the power to do this, he helps me know what to say and how to say it. Without him Id be nothing. Not every bit of my advice applies to all people, but if I can help one I've done my job and my calling. Amen.

Top ten reasons I am thankful for my parents.

10. They adopted me. They didn't have to but God led them to me and vice versa.

9. They kept me. When they realized that I had so many issues they could have given be back and actually considered it, but they realized God had given me them, and they decided to stick it out. They didn't have to do that.

8. They didn't spoil me. As much as I resented this as a child, I fully believe it has made me appreciate the value of a dollar and saving for what one wants. They didn't have to teach me this.

7. My mother didn't work so that she could be there for me every day when I got home from school. She didn't have to do that.

6. My father worked hard until he was 67 to provide everything he could for our family. He didn't have to do that.

5. They allow me to live in their house rent free so I can pay my own bills and for my own food. I realize it is their house and that they don't have to do this.

4. They allow me to pursue the career of my choice rather than forcing me into what they think is best for me. They don't have to do this.

3. They allow me to make my own mistakes and to learn from them. They don't have to do this.

2. They love me even when I freak out, even when I am angry, obstinate, mean, or PMSing. They don't have to do this.

1. THEY GAVE ME THE LORD. They introduced me to the One who gets me through even when they can't. The One who loves me more than even they can. THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS, but I am darn glad they did.

I love you, mom and dad :)

For the adults: college majors.

So you want to go to college. That's great, and I do encourage that. But there is always the big problem, which can be an even bigger problems for people like me that have NO IDEA WHAT WE WANT TO DO! It's called "the college major." It's the thing on which the world bases our success, our parents base there pride in us or lack thereof, and the thing that college counselors LOVE to harp on. There's a lot that rides on it, and the pressure sucks. So my first advice would be, CALM DOWN. It is not imperative that you choose RIGHT NOW, I don't care what people tell you. Take. Your. Time. I would recommend community college because then you are not wasting a ton of money while figuring out what you want. Take the classes you think you'll enjoy that still count for a degree, and you may find something you love. If you don't then STOP. This will be controversial but please, PLEASE do not do what I did and waste four years and its money trying to figure out what you want. If you are not in college because you don't know what you want, THIS IS OKAY. If you waste money figuring out what you want and your heart isn't in it, YOU WILL BE MISERABLE. Not only that but you will make everyone else miserable at the same time. My mother, father, aunts, uncles, cousins, and every professor and counselor at Orange Coast College can attest to this. So, figure out what you want and if you can't, stop and give it time. As much as this will irritate people, it WILL irritate people more if you pretend to know.

God bless your day :)

Relating to people:a task monumental.

Why doesn't my child know how to act around people? Have you ever asked this question? I know my mother has, and it is a question that a lot of parents ask when it comes to their autistic child. So what's the answer? Simply, we don't know how. There is something wired oddly in our brains that makes it really difficult to relate to people. I myself relate really well to people at least ten years older than I am, and yet when it comes to people my own age and children, I get squirmy and awkward and really don't know what to say or how to act. I attend the college group at my church and I am always afraid that I'm going to say or do something wrong because I don't know what "appropriate" is in that situation. Its not that I don't know in my head what I should do, it's that there is something there that prevents me from implementing it. Whether it's fear, misunderstanding, or just a blank space in my brain, the capability to know how to act properly is not there. So what should one do to learn how to act properly? Throw themselves in and just do it. Someone with any mental disability can psych themselves up all they want, but until they do it it'll never get done. For me it was the college group. I emailed the leader about ten times before I finally just said "okay, time to get on it. I can't be afraid anymore." For a child or adolescent that is not capable of selfdecision, the overseeing adult should put the child in situations where they will learn to interact. It is a valuable skill that will serve them in life. The exception to this is if the child or adolescent is a danger to themself or others. If they are they need to be cleared by a physician before being in any social situation because then it is less likely that something will happen. However, as with any child with disabilities,  unpredictability is predictable. Just be careful to know your child before you put them in an uncomfortable situation.

Stranger Danger...how can my child understand this?

(Disclaimer: this post contains generalized statements that may not apply to all autistic or otherwise mentally challenged children. It applied to me and that's why I wrote about it.)

Children with autism have a hard time understanding the difference between right and wrong. So when it comes to stranger danger, how do you teach your child to be cautious?  Let me use an example from my own life. When I was six, I met a woman named Gloria. She had a dog that I found one day and because I loved dogs, I made instant friends with her. I had no idea who she was, what she could be thinking when befriending me, and because my sense of right and wrong is messed up, I DIDN'T CARE. I would go over to this woman's house to swim in her pool and to hang out and just be. If an autistic child does not know explicitly that something they are doing is wrong, they do not care. It is hard for people to understand that we live in our heads, in our own little world, and in our little world EVERYTHING is as we think it should be, which is usually darn near perfect. There is no wrong in our heads. Unless a child is very aware of their surroundings they think everything they do is alright.

So how do you get into this world to teach us that stranger danger exists? First, be firm yet gentle. Be very clear that what the child has done was wrong, but don't yell or be overly forceful. That will turn a child off and they will either shut down or begin to yell and scream back at you. Be gentle. Second, be persistent. You must continue to be clear every time this happens because unless you have the perfect child it WILL happen more than once. The point being that as your child grows up they will hopefully begin to understand that this everpresent danger does exist. Third, never forget to love. If your child gets agitated let them know that this is for their own good.

I hope this helps, and God bless your day :)

Love in a romantic sense.

So I talked about brotherly love. Now to talk about romantic love. This is mainly from a Bipolar point of view because I don't really know how to approach it from the broad spectrum that is autism. So here goes. Falling in love and being bipolar can be very difficult for everyone involved. If you are the person who is bipolar and in love, be very careful. Because of the mood swings involved, the ultimate high that is falling in love, and whether or not the one you love is normal, love can be a very awkward and heartbreaking situation. I myself have been in love, and one of those times ended in me leaving a job because I had fallen for one of my coworkers and was harrassing him, even though at the time I didn't realize it was wrong. This is the thing, you really need to learn to be aware of yourself, what you're doing, and how it comes across to other people. This is not easy, because it takes a lot of skill and practice. It has taken me 23 years and I am STILL learning. In sixth grade I had a crush on a boy and ended up transferring schools under threat of sexual harrassment charges. Again, I didn't realize what I had done was wrong, and ended up with severe consequences. People with bipolar disorder don't realize that they're not normal, and neither do most people with Autism. What you need is to talk to someone about being in love, tell them exactly how you're handling it and ask for wise counsel as to whether you are doing it right and God-glorifyingly. If you're not, you need to change stuff and do it right.

When I was 8 I came of the presence of mind to ask my mother why I was so messed up. She said it was because God had made me this way and had a plan for me. You have to remember, God doesn't make mistakes. God made you disabled for a reason so that you can do something great, so you can glorify him. God didn't say "Oh, I'm going to give Lauren these problems just to mess with her," no, he said "I'm going to give her these things so she can provide insight into them and help others." On that note, I hope I am helping some, and God bless your day.

Lauren :)

brotherly love.

Love is a difficult concept for someone with any mental disorder, and because the main examples I know of are from Autism, I am going to write about this particular one from an autistic point of view. Don't worry, there will be posts from a bipolar point of view :) Okay, first, what is love? I use 1 Corinthians 13 from the Bible because of the specific attributes it names. Love is patient, kind, not covetous, not boastful, not proud, not rude, not self seeking, not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs, hates evil, loves truth. With the exception of "loves truth," none of these are easy for people. We are not patient, we can be very unkind sometimes, we often use or imply the concept of "Mine" when we don't want to share, we puff up when we do something right, we say things we shouldn't, we think of ourselves first, we get angry over the stupidest things sometimes, we hold onto grudges like they are a lifeline, and there is not enough room on this blog to describe the evil we sometimes indulge in. For someone with autism, and speaking from personal experience, these dishonorable qualities are magnified somewhere between 1000 and 1,000,000 times, depending on the day, our mood, what is going on around us, and so many other variables that normal people don't think about.

So how do we bridge the gap? First of all, to family and friends, lovers, spouses, etcetera, love us in this way. It is not always easy. My mother has told me in my adult years that there were times when I was a child that she wanted to either run away, strangle me, or both. As I look back over my childhood years, I can totally understand why she would somtimes lock herself in her room and cry or scream or call her friends to help her through. Sidebar: if there is an Autism support group in your area with other parents dealing with the same thing, FIND IT. If my mom had had that I believe she would have been so much more able to deal with me. There is a reason the Bible talks so much about community, and it is because community keeps us sane, it help us through hard times, and hopefully gives us lifelong friendships that we need. Second, keep trying to teach us what this kind of love means. Even if it takes us years, most of us will eventually get it. Don't preach at us, but be creative and show us what it means to love people in this way, a great brotherly love that can surpass a lot of wrongs. IT IS NOT EASY, but when we do get it, we will be better off forever.

Sleep...or lack thereof.

So because I have a hard time with this topic I wanted to post a bit on it. Sleep, or lack thereof. Sometimes, what with the disorders themselves(especially if I'm in a manic stage), the medications(and if you happen to be on Abilify you may know this), and just the constant running of the mind, sleep does not come easily if at all. And if you know exactly what I am talking about, you know that it can not only be difficult on life, but irritating as well. Most people with autism do not sit still for very long especially when they have to be quiet, so spending all night alone in a room is not appealing. I myself have occasionally ventured out into the world at 2am because I was insanely bored. Lately I have taken to Country Music Television and to leaving it on all night to help me sleep. Minor note, that does work sometimes, you might try it. Something about country music and the tones involved are very soothing. Then again, it does depend on different people. I have a friend with Aspergers who lives for heavy metal. He would probably laugh at me if I mentioned The Band Perry or Blake Shelton. Anyway, I do not recommend late night ventures, it can be dangerous especially if you don't know about your surrounding areas well enough. Try something at home that's quiet. If you happen to have good coordination and can handle a kitchen, try cooking something small. Cooking is cathartic and can be tiring too. Disclaimer: DO NOT COOK IF YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW TO HANDLE A KITCHEN. I have had friends nearly burn down their houses because they didn't know what they were doing. If you can't handle the heat, stay OUT of the kitchen.

So, music, cooking, and oh, computers! Sitting in a dark room looking at a computer screen or other screen will make you sleepy. However, if your doctor says this is dangerous, try reading the most boring book you can find. For someone with autism this would be something totally outside the comfort zone. So if you or your loved one loves mysterys, try Pride and Prejudice. Not to knock Miss Austen but something about her writing style puts me to sleep...I prefer the 2005 movie :)
Anyway these are my suggestion for sleep helps, and if you have any other ideas leave a comment and let me know. I sleep so little I need a good remedy.

Good night all :)

Me, my life in a nutshell, and why I am doing this.

Hi. My name is Lauren Shepherd, and I am Bipolar, Autistic, and ADHD. I am also a Christian. God has blessed me in insurmountable ways, and continues to do so every day. I was born to a woman who had my same issues, and was given up for adoption because she couldn't handle me. When I was six months old, I was adopted by a Christian husband and wife who had spent years trying to have kids. When they were unsuccessful, they turned to God and to adoption. I spent my life surrounded by family who loves me more than anything, but this did not come without a price. I didn't talk till I was 2, and when I talked I spoke in complete sentences. I taught myself how to read when I was 3, and was bullied because it was "weird." I have an IQ of 147, which was tested when I was in first grade, as well as a photographic memory. However, no one could understand why I was not excelling in school. I never went to class, and when I did I didn't pay any attention. My days were spent sleeping or screaming in class about how the work was stupid. I have failed more math classes in my 23 current years than I can count. I was not diagnosed as Bipolar 1 until the age of thirteen. Before that, it was merely a diagnosis of ADHD, which would have been good except for the medication. ADHD medication, for me, acted like speed. I spent years throwing huge tantrums, slacking off in and straight-up refusing to go to school, I had bulimia, I had mood swings where I was sometimes so happy and sometimes I was so blinded by anger that I have resorted to extreme acts to release the anger.

When I was diagnosed, I spent the next 3 years with a multitude of doctors who couldn't seem to figure out what medications would work to calm me down. When they finally figured out Lithium, Strattera, and Risperdal were the key, it took another 6 months before I finally calmed down. It worked fine until I turned 21, and then the Lithium started causing major health problems. It was also around that time that we started looking into a diagnosis of Asperger's. I had read the DSM-IV when I was five and knew the definition of high functioning autism and could point out to you how it applied and why. My aunt and mother read this, and they agreed. However, when you are 23 and on Medi-Cal, it is sometimes difficult to get a diagnosis of a cold, let alone something that takes testing to diagnose. I am not knocking government insurance, it is a blessing, but it does sometimes take awhile. Anyway, to the point of why I chose to pursue this. First and probably most significant, I do not have the capability of working a normal job. I worked at Walmart for 2 weeks in the 2010 Christmas season, and after 2 weeks I had a mental breakdown. Which ties into the second thing. I know what it is like to live with these disorders. It's hard, and a lot of times it sucks. And if I can help one person, a family member, a spouse, and especially someone like me know that they are not alone in dealing with this, then I have fulfilled God's will for my life. I will be having occasional help from my family, from my doctor, and others who know me and know about these disorders. But mostly, it will be me, telling my story and hopefully offering some comfort in this realm of life that can often be dark and desolate.

May God bless you as you continue to follow my blog, and I hope you get something out of it. Feel free to leave comments, questions, etcetera, and I will try to answer them as well as provide insight into how I deal with things.

Lauren :)