Random uplifting post :)

Don’t be sad about what you don’t have. Cherish what you do have now. Then do your best to achieve what you need to have (Ref. Ecc.5:19)

God bless your day

When God says "No."

This is another straight up Christiany blog post. When I pray for something I want, a lot of the time I expect a Yes answer. So what do I do when God says no? Ooh, that's hard. Sometimes I cry or rant, ask God why, or sometimes I just accept it and move on. For instance, the young man I spoke of in the previous post. God gave me an answer that he was not the one. I have to be honest, I was kinda mad. This young man really seemed out of this world extraordinary to me. So why wouldn't God want this for me? Doesn't he want me to be happy? But that isn't the right question. Sure maybe this man might have asked me out someday, and we may even have married, but if it wasn't God's will in the first place, would we really ever be happy? No. There would have been a hole somewhere because God said no and I did it anyway. Eventually that hole can become big enough to wreck our lives. I don't want that and I would not do that to him. So if he isn't the one, who is? What's next? Well, I don't know yet, but because I believe God can do immeasurably more than all I ask or imagine, I believe that in this case out of this world extraordinary isn't good enough for Him. Therefore, I just have to wait on Him because He is in control. All I have to do is give it up to Him and let Him take care of it. So what do you have in your life that isn't exactly what you want but that God could do something better with? Give it to Him, trust Him wholeheartedly and watch what he does.

P.s.- No is not always God just verbally saying no. If you have any sort of feeling that He MIGHT be saying no, pray on it and if the feeling gets stronger, that also means no a lot of the time. Also, seek wise counsel, always seek wise counsel.

God bless :)

Being in love and being careful

Being in love is a crazy ride. It can be ecstatic, messy, stupid giddy and sometimes painful. For a person with disabilities it can be even more difficult because we don't always know how to act or how to read social cues. For the purposes of this post I am going to write from the perspective of a woman in love because I am currently experiencing the crazy ride that is love. So here goes.

When I fell in love with the man I did, I was immediately giddy, butterfly-stomached and happy all the time. Then I received some wise counsel to slow down and really think about my reasons for loving this young man and also to think about how I act so as not to be immodest. For me and my impulsiveness and my constant desire to control every situation this was difficult to hear. It's true though. Every time I have had a crush on a boy I did something to "help" God realize that this was "the one." It never was and I always got my heart broken. So when I truly fell in love with the young man I love now, I came up with some guidelines to follow.

One, always think before I say or do. If it is something that I would be ashamed to admit that I did to make him like me, I force myself not to do it. A lot of the time because of the nature of my disabilities it takes massive patience and sheer force of will. For instance I have not added this man on Facebook because I feel that is crossing the line. Anyone who knows anything about Facebook knows how easy it is to friend someone and therefore how hard it is not to friend the guy/girl you like. But I remember that I want him to be the initiator.

Two, be aware of the circumstances of the love. The young man I love is a few years younger than me, and works at my church. This being said, because I am a Christian I believe God can overcome these circumstances and therefore it can happen. This brings the catch that I am not God. I believe that because he is the man and because God is in control, I am not the one who is supposed to make the first move. Again this is difficult because honestly, how hard is it to ask a guy on a date. But I don't want to be looked at as immodest because I attempted something stupid.

Third, seek wise counsel. This may be anyone but make sure that if they've made stupid mistakes in love that hey learned from them. One who does not learn from their mistakes is not wise. I spoke to my college pastor, a trusted older friend and my best friend. You also have to know who you're talking to and if it could harm the future relationship. With my college pastor I was sort of vague about who it was because he knows the young man very well. My friend from choir I was a little more open with because I trust her and she doesn't personally interact with this man. My best friend I told everything because she is my best friend and I trust her to tell me if it is different or just simply another of the crushes that ended bad. She actually did say I seemed different about this young man. This is a major thing because she has never said that.

Last but not least, pray. Prayer is powerful and if you don't believe me then you need to try it sometime. Prayers are not always yes though. If its no, then God has a better plan. If it is yes, He will make it happen. If it is wait, you WAIT. I know how hard it is to not rush things but please trust me when I say it is not worth it. If you want the relationship you want to trust God because either he'll do it or he has something better. Also, don't obsess. Pray about it then let it go. God has it taken care of.

In the end, patience is KEY. Be modest and kind, be honest and caring, be patient. Most of all though, be YOURSELF. The right person will love you for everything you are and are not, and if you lie about any part of who you are the person will fall in love with the lie and not you.

God bless :)

Joy and what it is

There is a difference between happiness and joy. Happiness is an instant feeling when something goes right, when you get something you want or something else happens that creates an instant feeling of "I feel like I could fly!" Joy is a lifelong choice that says "life may not always be great but I have so many things to be thankful for that I can't help but smile every day." I am joyful because although I have Aspergers, am bipolar, and have ADHD, have to live on meds, and so many other things wrong with my life, there are so many things right. I have loving parents and friends. I have a church where I truly belong despite my stupid choices in the past. There are so many it would take ten years to name them all. There is always something to be thankful for whether you believe in God or not. In the holiday spirit, take some time to write down what you're thankful for, and encourage your child to do it too. Putting life in perspective can sometimes be a wonderful learning tool for someone with disabilities.

God bless :)

Walk Now for Autism Speaks!!!

These are my pictures from the Autism Speaks walk at Angel Stadium today!

Straight-up Christiany Blog Post

Because I am a Christian, every once in awhile I will post a straight up Christiany blog post. Today is one of those days. This one is on trusting God. I trust God because I believe He will catch me when no one else will. I trust Him because he has been my everything when I have nothing. I cry out to him when I am broken, when I am ecstatic, when the world is falling apart and when I am queen of the world. So I know some of you are asking "How do you trust so much in something you can't see? Your life must be perfect that you can have that level of faith(or maybe you call it naivete?)."

If you think my life is perfect, you should really think about the point of view of this blog. Life from the perspective of a woman with MENTAL DISABILITIES. This in itself indicates problems in my life. I am on Medi-Cal and just today I found out for the second time in 6 months I may very well lose my Medi-Cal for awhile. If anyone knows anything about bipolar medication, you realize this is a huge problem. For those of you who don't know, if I don't have medication I slowly descend into mood swings, depression and impulsivity. This. Is. Not. Good. My life has been filled with doctors, group homes and a behavioral modification program in Utah where the director was arrested for child abuse 4 times while I was there, and I being one of the abused. There were stupid choices, stupid things that happened to me not of my own accord, depression of the acutest kind where I cried myself to sleep every night for months because I was asking God where He was in all this. Several family deaths, the death of my best friend at the age of nine(I think), and just some overall weird situations. So WHY do I trust God!?

I could give you a Bible-ese answer with a bunch of verses and notations but for those of you who don't believe(and even those who do) that isn't going to make one bit of difference. Simply, I believe because I don't have any other choice. I am the poster child for a sucky life, but God, the One who loves me more than anyone, the One who cares when I fall and picks me back up, the One who put up with all of my weird obsessions as a child and all of my problems and all of the "Stupid Tax" that I paid over the years and all of the swear words that have come from my mouth and all of the depression and tears and heartache and screaming at Him because He was evil and my life sucks, THAT GOD STILL LOVES ME. If something bad happened in my life or even in the world(because I know people that ask about things like Katrina or 9/11) I know there is something to learn and do better from it. It is not condemnation on the world as some would lead you to believe. There is a lesson everywhere. Things have happened in my life, good and horrible, that turned into blessings that can only be explained by the One I call God. Whether you call it God, some form of higher power, spirit, or some other name, if something good or bad has happened to you that you can't explain and it ended up blessing you more than you thought it possibly could, that is God's love. Romans 8:38-39 tells us that there is nothing that can separate us from the love of the God of the universe. NOTHING and UNIVERSE are some very powerful, huge, big big big words that mean a lot if you really take the time to think about them. So here's my challenge to you. Whatever your circumstances in life, pick up a Bible somewhere or even steal one from a friend or family member because someone you know should have one. Then find that verse, Romans 8:38-39. Read it once or twice, then sit there for ten minutes and let your mind contemplate it, think about what has happened in your life and in the world around you, about what God can teach you and others through both your life and major world events, and see what happens when you let yourself start to believe in the love of the One who gave His Son for you. God bless your day :)

Self control and the "Stupid Tax"

Disclaimer: the "Stupid Tax" concept is borrowed from Mr. Dave Ramsey, it does not belong to me. Also again this may not apply to everyone with mental disabilities.

Self-control is one of the hardest things for a person with mental disabilities to learn. Because the wiring in our brains is messed up(see the picture below of Temple Grandin's brain [care of 60 Minutes]), self control doesn't always work right. We are loud, impulsive, and tend to make stupid choices that we may or may not regret later. We spend money we shouldn't, eat things that make us sick because "they taste good," and make other lame choices that affect us and sometimes others. So how do you as our guardian help us to understand the concept of self-control?

Dave Ramsey has this concept he likes to call the "Stupid Tax." Because Mr. Ramsey is a financial guru(I'm serious, look him up), this concept applies to money. But I believe it can be applied to any stupid choice. So here's how it works. Any time your child makes a choice that classifies under "stupid," there must be some sort of "tax," whether it is a long talk or the removal of a favorite item from their possession. Now I am NOT saying your child is stupid, in fact most kids with mental disabilities are very smart. I myself have a 147 IQ, but that doesn't mean I have not made stupid choices. Trust me, a LOT of my choices in life classify as stupid. But that doesn't make me stupid. However, lack of correction creates a stupid child. If you don't take the time to gently rebuke your child when they make a bad choice then you are enabling them to do it again. This createa a problem in children with disabilities because we are smart. We can figure out where we won't be rebuked and we will do it over and over, thus creating stupidity. When I was younger(and I am not proud of this), I figured out that by removing small amount of money at a time from my mother's wallet she would never notice. She didn't until I got cocky and started taking more. Then I paid a LARGE "Stupid Tax" because she found out. I ended up washing cars to pay her back over $300 because of my lack of self-control. The problem is, if we see we can get away with something we will push boundaries until we get caught. This isn't good and needs to be nipped in the bud early. If it isn't your child and possibly others could pay a big price for it.

So gently rebuke your children when they do something stupid and with a lack of self control. They may be mad at you then but it will make them better people later.

(In the picture, the neat and clean colored thing is a brain wire in a normal person, or NT. The one the hand is pointing to is Temple Grandin's brain wire, and is similar to all people with autism. Picture c/o 60 Minutes copyright 2011.)