Being in love is a crazy ride. It can be ecstatic, messy, stupid giddy and sometimes painful. For a person with disabilities it can be even more difficult because we don't always know how to act or how to read social cues. For the purposes of this post I am going to write from the perspective of a woman in love because I am currently experiencing the crazy ride that is love. So here goes.
When I fell in love with the man I did, I was immediately giddy, butterfly-stomached and happy all the time. Then I received some wise counsel to slow down and really think about my reasons for loving this young man and also to think about how I act so as not to be immodest. For me and my impulsiveness and my constant desire to control every situation this was difficult to hear. It's true though. Every time I have had a crush on a boy I did something to "help" God realize that this was "the one." It never was and I always got my heart broken. So when I truly fell in love with the young man I love now, I came up with some guidelines to follow.
One, always think before I say or do. If it is something that I would be ashamed to admit that I did to make him like me, I force myself not to do it. A lot of the time because of the nature of my disabilities it takes massive patience and sheer force of will. For instance I have not added this man on Facebook because I feel that is crossing the line. Anyone who knows anything about Facebook knows how easy it is to friend someone and therefore how hard it is not to friend the guy/girl you like. But I remember that I want him to be the initiator.
Two, be aware of the circumstances of the love. The young man I love is a few years younger than me, and works at my church. This being said, because I am a Christian I believe God can overcome these circumstances and therefore it can happen. This brings the catch that I am not God. I believe that because he is the man and because God is in control, I am not the one who is supposed to make the first move. Again this is difficult because honestly, how hard is it to ask a guy on a date. But I don't want to be looked at as immodest because I attempted something stupid.
Third, seek wise counsel. This may be anyone but make sure that if they've made stupid mistakes in love that hey learned from them. One who does not learn from their mistakes is not wise. I spoke to my college pastor, a trusted older friend and my best friend. You also have to know who you're talking to and if it could harm the future relationship. With my college pastor I was sort of vague about who it was because he knows the young man very well. My friend from choir I was a little more open with because I trust her and she doesn't personally interact with this man. My best friend I told everything because she is my best friend and I trust her to tell me if it is different or just simply another of the crushes that ended bad. She actually did say I seemed different about this young man. This is a major thing because she has never said that.
Last but not least, pray. Prayer is powerful and if you don't believe me then you need to try it sometime. Prayers are not always yes though. If its no, then God has a better plan. If it is yes, He will make it happen. If it is wait, you WAIT. I know how hard it is to not rush things but please trust me when I say it is not worth it. If you want the relationship you want to trust God because either he'll do it or he has something better. Also, don't obsess. Pray about it then let it go. God has it taken care of.
In the end, patience is KEY. Be modest and kind, be honest and caring, be patient. Most of all though, be YOURSELF. The right person will love you for everything you are and are not, and if you lie about any part of who you are the person will fall in love with the lie and not you.
God bless :)
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