Thinking too much.

I have been told that I think too much. That I read into things way too easily and that I need to stop thinking and just live. That's hard for someone like me! Because I am bipolar and sometimes very insecure, I ALWAYS waaay overthink things! Does this sound familiar? Let me give a scenario.

I have made some mistakes at the church I am a member of, as far as saying I would volunteer to do things and never actually doing these things. FOr instance, I bailed on Easter 2010 service so that I could go see the Jonas Brothers at Angel Stadium on Easter Sunday. That Sunday I was supposed to be a greeter. I didn't greet, and was told by the Director of Guest Services that I would never serve again. That HURT, but after a year and a half and much sticking it out, I was able to volunteer for the Drive Through Nativity Scene that we do every year. Then the truble started.

The LAST night of the Drive Through, I got really sick and dizzy, and had to be led down to the basement(where the volunteers were), and was greeted not only by him, but by the senior pastor and several staff members, which scared me to death because I immediately felt like I had screwed up. I was then sent home, all while seeing the look on the guy's face. I saw it as the same face I got when he told me I would never serve again. When I got home I fired off a long apologetic email that basically said I knew I wasn't worthy to serve again. THIS WAS NOT THE CASE. I was thinking too much, and reading into the situation that which was not there. So what happened?

I saw him the next morning, and he was driving in and actually honked at me to get my attention. I heard the honk and was really really scared because I thought I was going to get the runaround that ended in "Don't come back." I didn't get that. I was told that I was wanted and needed and welcome as long as I wanted to be at the church. He told me to go home because he was worried about my health and about keeping calm and order during the previous night. He also told me that I "think way too much and need to stop reading so much into things." My mother has also told me this and I never listened. The point of this story is, life is easier when you don't assume. After all, you know what they say about assuming, that it makes a *insert word I can't use* out of you and me :P Just calm down and think before you judge others on a look or a word, because they may very well not mean what YOU think they mean. ASK what they mean before you start overthinking. You might just be overwhelmingly surprised. I was, because I went from thinking I wasn't wanted to KNOWING I was. KNOWING is GOOD :)

Merry Christmas to all of you, and may God bless your holiday season.

Lauren Shepherd

:)